Counting His Goodness
God knows what we need.
I know that’s a very basic theological principle, but sometimes I wonder how much I truly believe this. I tend to catastrophize, to believe that the worst is yet to come.
Or worse, I believe that God knows what I need and withholds it from me.
But this week, at a particularly low point, God showered me with unnecessary and unexpected goodnesses to remind me that even here, He is still faithful. He still notices. And He still cares.
It all started on Monday. Lars and I were trying a new recipe (Gochujang Butter Noodles for the curious—add spinach + grilled pork for a tasty meal!) and as the scent of garlic punctuated the air, Lars shared wisdom.
My relationship with God has felt like a slog through a thick, muddy field recently. I can’t seem to get traction, to feel things the way I think I should. I bemoaned my predicament to Lars, and he gently reminded me that my relationship with God is not a formula. I can’t optimize it. I can’t figure it out. I can’t curate the perfect Bible reading plan and organize my schedule to fit in just the right amount of prayer, fasting, and fellowship. A to-do list is not a relationship yet I was trying to check all the boxes and finish the list, missing out on God in the process!
I keep thinking about this simple revelation. But it doesn’t end there!
Tuesday was chaotic, as Tuesdays generally go around here. A friend called me and we ended up talking for almost an hour about life and depression and where God is in suffering. I felt seen, known, and loved. God knew I needed an encouraging and gently convicting word.
Tuesday was also our final night of youth for the season, so we carted loads of gifts, smokies, and yard games to the car. As we drove, a friend texted me. She explained that she’d read a few blog posts (and enjoyed them!), which absolutely gobsmacked me since I’ve felt so uninspired to write lately. She also sent a podcast about identity and scarcity mindset. Friends, it was exactly what I needed to hear. God knew!
We pulled up at Jonathan’s house for our backyard youth party. We played crossnet, spikeball, and Molkky. We roasted hotdogs and marshmallows over the fire. And we had some very good, very real conversations with some of our youth kids. One of our youths said she loved me, and I couldn’t help but weep. God knew. He knew! He knew I’d been so discouraged about youth, feeling like a fraud. And He knew that hearing those words from one of the kids I love so dearly would be like a balm on my contorted soul.
On Wednesday morning, my mum visited me. We ate avocado toast garnished with tomatoes, pickled red onions, and grilled halloumi. We sipped mugs of steaming raspberry tea. And in that moment, yet another friend texted me a picture of a ladybug. I showed my mum, of course, and together we marvelled at how God knew.
Then, on Thursday, I woke up feeling sick and exhausted. God knew that I needed to be with a friend, and my dear sister Gabrielle came to visit. We chatted. We laughed. We made food together. And I couldn’t help but notice that once again, God knew what I needed and somehow, both Gabrielle and I were free to hang out on a day where we both usually had commitments.
There are so many things God knew I needed this week. I could tell you about the Mayflower tree perfuming our backyard with the aroma of spring. Or about the apple blossoms in our frontyard. I could share about my Mum and three youngest siblings shoveling sheep poop so that my garden will be fertilized this year. I could tell you about the life-giving dinner we had with friends, how we held hands around the table and prayed together.
It seems that everywhere I look, I can see God’s grace, giving and giving and giving, often through the people He’s placed in my life. It reminds me of an A.W. Tozer quote that fell out of my Bible this week (again, God knew)! It says,
“Sometimes I go to God and say, ‘God, if you never answer another prayer while I live on this earth, I will still worship You as long as I live, and in the ages to come, for what you have done already.’
God has already put me so far in debt that if I were to live one million milleniums, I couldn’t pay Him for what He’s done for me.”—A.W. Tozer
So, friend, tell me: where have you seen the goodness of God this week?
